Un día a la vez
Maybe I’m not a very good blogger. I say “maybe” because I don’t want to write myself off just yet. The goal in the beginning was to do a post everyday. I’ve been here almost a month and I’ve already slacked on that front. I had a suspicion that this would happen. I knew I would be overwhelmed with the everyday of living in another country, learning another language and working. I want to share this experience though, my process and my adjustment. So it may not be an everyday thing, but I will do my best.
Status update: after nearly a month here in El Salvador I have been feeling homesick the last week or so. Some days I feel so ready to go home. I miss the people I love and who are my support. Yet, they continue to be my support here as well.
I have days where I feel defeated because I can’t communicate the way I would like to and I feel like a stranger in a world where everyone else knows the way around. The language barrier can sometimes make me feel lonely. I am the type of person who needs and thrives upon expressing myself. I love to talk. Here, I find myself smiling and nodding a lot or I am just concentrating so intently on translating that I am not even thinking of a response.
But I have it isn’t all a struggle. I have visited some beautiful places and met extremely friendly people here as well. I eat delicious, new foods almost everyday. Also, maybe this silence on my behalf isn’t such a bad experience. I spend more time listening and not always thinking about how important it is what I have to say.
It’s a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. In one moment I am feeling excited and proud of myself for making it here. Then I am lost and wondering how I am going to accomplish what I want to here. I think, “I want to do stories in a country where I am not fluent in the language.”
Yes I do. And I will.
Each day is a new day and presents the opportunity for me to make the best of this adventure I am on. I am signing up for a Spanish class at one of the local universities. I will continue to practice and ask questions even when I feel stupid. I am going to follow the passions that led me here in the first place. No, it is not going to turn out how I imagined. Nothing ever does. But it will be something. It will be an experience that frightens me, teaches me and pushes me to grow. I am grateful for that.