We are enough
I am writing this for myself but also for all the women who are special to me. Our worth is not measured by social fallacies that are meant to act as milestones in our lives.
I am 28-years-old and I am not married and I do not have children. That’s ok. In fact, that’s great. I’ve had many, many incredible experiences, gained confidence, learned to love myself and take care of myself. I’ve spent time figuring out what I want without having to compare it to what someone else wants. I know that I will be fine if I am alone. I am not afraid of that.
One of my good friends here in El Salvador told me a male family member of hers recently gave her, what I am sure he thought to be, good advice. “You need to get married,” he told her. “You are almost 30 and a man is not going to want you after you turn 30.” She is 27-years-old.
He told my friend that by 30 or so, once a man is set in a career, he looks for a woman who is around 25. Now, I am not simply going to dismiss this confused soul’s backwards idea of the role of men and women to the fact that he is older, and that he comes from a very traditional Latino background. These stereotypes exist in the United States as well. Yes, they definitely do.
How about the fact that there are men out there who want a partner? How about men who want a woman who has a successful career and has had life experience? How about women who want a man that looks at her as an equal? I know I want to be with a man who appreciates my strength and my individuality.
News flash: it takes time to develop a solid sense of who you are. God, I have changed so much throughout my 20’s. I am so much more confident in who I am and what I want now, than when I was 22 or 23. Right now I am in a much better place to share my life with someone than I was even three years ago. Frankly, the thought of marriage still scares me. Maybe I’ll be ready someday and maybe I won’t.
My friend and I discussed that it is now very common in the United States for women to get married and have children in their thirties. However, I have also met young women in their late 20’s and early 30’s here in El Salvador who are in no hurry to get married and get pregnant. Recently a very intelligent 15-year-old, wise beyond her years, told me she does not want to get married until she is at least 30. Get it girl. Live YOUR life.
I am not going to pretend like my, forgive me I hate this term too, ‘biological clock’ has not started ticking. Yes, I have fallen prey to this fabricated timeline that is supposed to determine when I am ready to give over my body to carry children. I am also not saying that I don’t want this. I do. But I also would not give up the journey my life has taken for one second. I would not trade in the time, that I made the choice to take, for myself. I also do not want my friends who have done the same to feel like they now need to hurry to make up for lost time. As if their beauty and spirit is going to go out like a light at a certain age. Women have fought throughout history for their rights, for their voices to be given validity. These women would be proud of us. Embrace your choices ladies. They are yours.
Just listen to this little one 😉